I’ll let you in on a secret: My spouse and I are big-time introverts. Okay, maybe it’s not that much of a secret. But mixed in with my excitement to get married was a nervousness about reading my vows in front of other people. Then I found out you could read your vows privately. This was a huge relief for me—for both of us.

And turns out, reading wedding vows privately is a popular option with some of our clients.

If you are interested in reading your wedding vows privately, here are a few things to consider.

Timing Your Private Wedding Vows

There are some pros and cons to reading your wedding vows in private. The obvious benefit is that you can get as emotional, personal, and intimate as you want—without having to worry about presenting your words in front of friends and family—because the only person who will hear your vows is your partner.

Now, there are a few ways to do this:

You can read your vows before the ceremony—maybe during the first look
You can read your vows during the ceremony, and just have people step away from you two—this works bests for two-person elopements
You can read your vows after the ceremony—which is perfect if you have guests attend the ceremony itself, but want to read vows when you get a private moment

But What About My Elopement or Wedding Photography?

As a wedding and elopement photographer, I highly recommend keeping your photographer close by during your private vows. These emotional moments make for some of the best pictures. Misty-eyed, vulnerable, and real—these are the photos you’ll cherish forever.

So even if you want to share private wedding vows, bring your wedding photographer along.

If it helps, here are a few real-world examples:

I’ve photographed two-person elopements where the whole ceremony is private, so the vows were just between the couple, the officiant, and myself.
I’ve photographed a couple sharing their vows in private, tucked away in the rocks of Joshua Tree National Park—which allowed the couple to let their guard down and get very emotional.
I’ve photographed one couple who asked that my spouse (who was officiating the ceremony) and I step away from the ceremony so they could read their vows out of earshot. This allowed them to be vulnerable and true to themselves.
My own wedding included a ceremony with the typical vows, but my spouse and I only read our vows privately during sunset at Key’s View in front of our photographers.

The takeaway here is that you can really adjust your wedding to match your vision for the day.

Cute Ideas for Your Wedding Ceremony

One of the benefits of shaking up the traditional wedding ceremony is that you get to decide what’s included in your big day.

If you have guests in attendance, you can swap the time used for sharing vows to do something else. For example, you can:

Include guests in a hand-warming ceremony in which each person holds your wedding rings and makes a silent affirmation, before placing them along, and finally ending up on your fingers
Read standard or traditional vows
Read poetry, scripture, or something meaningful to you
Perform a handfasting ceremony instead
Light a unity candle
Conduct a sand ceremony
Share sips from a single glass of wine
A first dance immediately after the ceremony

These are just some suggestions. If you want to try something else entirely, you have that freedom. That’s the beauty of elopements.